Bdee Bdee, that's all Suffolks!

Today, we’re solving the Duplex Dilemma.

Jamie and Morgan, keepers of five pets — two Shih Tzus and three Scottish Folds — are ready to buy. They’ve whittled their 10 choices down, and will be making a decision based on answers to the following questions:

• 1⃣ Is it a duplex, such that the two-legged inhabitants can be comfortable on one floor, whilst the four-legged creatures can occupy another?

• 2⃣ Is it within 10002, such that a Yonah Schimmel knish is but a walk away?

• 3⃣ Can the overhead be under $15k/month?

The couple has solid financials, and plan to put 20% down. We’re assuming they’re targeting a 30-year fixed mortgage, locking in a 6.19% rate.

Here’s what they’ve seen.

• 100 Norfolk Street #1A

• 330 Grand Street #1A

• 105 Norfolk Street #PH

• 109 Norfolk Street, #PH

• 50 Clinton Street #1A

• 50 Clinton Street #PHC

• 134 Suffolk Street #D

• 150 Rivington Street CPENTHOUSE

• 573 Grand Street D1707/1801

• 149 Rivington Street #2FAM

Of these, only the following meet the established criteria (We’ll be strict here, as attention spans are as fleeting as good seasons of True Detective ):

• 100 Norfolk Street #1A — $7,980/mo

• 330 Grand Street #1A — $10,930/mo

• 134 Suffolk Street #D — $8,628/mo

• 573 Grand Street D1707/1801 — $13,627/mo

Let’s knock two more off our list:

Although 100 Norfolk Street #1A and 330 Grand Street #1A both meet the financial criteria, they ultimately fall short. 100 Norfolk #1A is handsomely finished and offers a private outdoor patio ; but, it has only one bedroom, and it’s subterranean. It’s a bit of a cave, which might be okay for animals but not so much for our couple. (Take a tour via this virtual video; do you find the lower level dark, too?)

330 Grand #1A, though also beautifully designed and slightly larger, faces the same fundamental limitation: As a 1BR/1.5BA, it offers no meaningful internal separation and lacks the flex spaces needed to keep the cats from plotting coups while the dogs nap. (I know, Sun Tzu has a “dog”-matic strategy in place, but still!) Here’s a video on the whole building, i.e., it doesn’t expressly show #1A, which I also think borrows too much from the neighborhood around it.

This leaves us with our two finalists:

• 134 Suffolk Street #D — $8,628/mo

• 573 Grand Street D1707/1801 — $13,627/mo

At first glance, you might assume the decision here comes down to price point—after all, 573 Grand isn’t exactly a budget buy. But Jamie and Morgan’s sensitivity isn’t to the purchase price; it’s to the monthly overhead, and they’ve been crystal clear that their ceiling is $15,000 per month. So if you’re thinking, “Well, surely they’re not choosing 573 Grand,” you’d be right… but not for the reasons you think.

You might next guess: “Ah, the spiral staircase — no way the dogs can navigate that.” And while it’s fair to assume the cats would rappel down it like Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus acrobats , the staircase isn’t the dealbreaker either.

Here’s the real issue—and this is where working with someone who truly knows the buildings (and the boards, and the policies, and the politics) makes all the difference: East River does not allow new residents to bring in dogs. Full stop.

There may be a narrow path for service animals, and an exception isn’t impossible, but realistically, Jamie and Morgan would not be allowed to move in with two dogs. The cats? Probably fine.

And yes, some current residents do have dogs, but that’s because they’re grandfathered in. New purchasers don’t have that luxury.

So—while 573 Grand looks like the obvious winner on space and flexibility—it’s off the table before we even talk about kitchens or terraces or staircases.

Which brings us to the best and most realistic recommendation: 134 Suffolk Street. It’s a fine choice, and here’s why:

This Suffolk Street unit has a true duplex layout, with living space below and bedrooms above. It creates a natural separation, without any subterranean experience . The private garden is ideal for Sun Tzu and Bronx Tzu’s morning walks, while the three Scottish Folds can maintain their upstairs kingdom in peace.

The renovated kitchen and warm interior finishes make this feel like a true home rather than a stepping stone. Plus, the total monthly overhead is affordable ($8,628), and gives the couple room to save almost $7k/month — which will come in handy when they start to rescue exotic birds .